Father Ted's Good Ones

I would like to build a nice big heated showroom for all you good folk to kick tyres in, all year round, in comfort.  Sound good?  Well actually, I just want to keep the rain off my electric wheelchair.  However it would be much more fun to talk cars with you with my hands free rather than risk poking your eye out fighting an umbrella.  Any way folks. That’s the plan. Keep watching. I’ll keep you in touch. Meantime, why don’t you just call in for a chat.  I might be able to surreptitiously sell you a car when you are off guard.  Fat chance you say.  Oh well you might know somebody who would appreciate the fact that I buy only the good ones. The fact that my cars are almost all lower in the kilometres, than you would expect, shows you the effort that I put in to finding the good ones.  If they aren’t good, they aren’t here.  Plus they are well priced.  Check out the gold Mitsubishi Lancer sedan for only $11,000 at 26,000 kms.  How about a lovely dark silver Nissan Primera sedan for $12,500, only 24,000 kms.  No? Okay.  How about a little silver Toyota Platz four door barely run in at 2,000 kms for $12,000? or perhaps a nice turquoise Corolla hatch done 24,000 km for $15,000?  Gee you are hard to please. Call by and I’ll import just exactly what you want. Its very easy to import a car but first you must tell me what you want. If you don’t know what you want, perhaps I can help you decide.  No pressure to buy.  I would like your business for sure but I definitely won’t poke you in the eye.

Pretty simple really. It’s a used car business. It is totally owned by Ted and Carolyn Jones. Ted has been a self employed motor vehicle trader since 1966. That makes him pretty old I suppose. Well that could just be useful to you perhaps, if experience counts.

Anyway he was almost broken in two a couple of years ago while playing with his bike at the Wairakei Craters of the Moon mountain bike track. He took on one too many obstacles and ended up safely ensconced in the Otara Spinal Unit thanks very much to the Taupo Rescue Helicopter service. However the Unit sent him home a few months later with a couple of wheels screwed to his bum so alls not lost. He feels very lucky to be alive because the last person who tripped up on the same obstacle, just a few weeks ago, is now dead. Yes, they have taken the obstacle away now. You will see Ted rolling around town and talking with Taupo’s nice people while trying not to get clobbered by the traffic.

He’s in the motor business? How does he drive? Well that is interesting because the ACC really looked after him and so he sports a new Mercedes to run around in. Well its not quite as good as that might sound. It is a van and he has to lift himself in to it on a hoist and then lock his wheelchair in place under the steering wheel. Neat eh? Ted has this fetish for nicer than average used cars. Poor chap. If you are ever in Tuwharetoa Street in search of a hamburger or something a little more exotic you should also drop in at Father Ted’s and have a chat. You never know it could lead to some pleasant business one day. Make yourself known anyway. You would be very welcome. He is not a bad bloke when you get to know him. But not as good as his cars.

Its now Father Tedʼs. However to keep it he had to promise the ACC that he would never walk again. Its a good van. In fact it is a very good van. But its not for sale. Iʼll tell you what though, Father Ted has some other wonderfully interesting vehicles that are for sale. Some for people that like driving with just their hands but most are for those with God given feet. If you are a used car buyer, with or without feet, who is looking for something very, very sound indeed, you will end up at Tedʼs place for sure. Point me to a better collection of really low kilometre darlings, anywhere? Iʼve said it before and Iʼll say it until the cows come home – the best buy is a new car and the

second best buy is a car carrying the lowest kilometre reading that you can afford. A car is a machine. It wears out. If you donʼt believe me take a note of who is spending money – and on what – at any repair shop. Tight times mean tight budgets. Thereʼs no room for unexpected repair bills in my thinking. Get a better car. Forget the model year, for thatʼs just social nonsense. Go low kilometres. Iʼll tell you what, if you do it this week I might even fill your boot with groceries. Mind you it would be cheaper for me to offer to pay your repair bills for the foreseeable future on anything you buy from me. No? Okay, take the groceries then. Iʼve got a lovely little eight year old Toyota done less than two thousand kilometres, that needs two feet to drive it, although one foot would be okay. It has a boot that would take an enormous amount of free groceries. Donʼt buy that one or youʼll send me broke, but boy,(or girl) what a wonderful buy it is. My third born – who knows most things – has just told me that this advertising is very old school, whatever that means. Too many words? OK then Iʼll shorten it - Buy now, Big Save at Tedʼs. Start loading the boot!

You should take a look at this one at $13,500!

When you look at this one you get a bit of a wake up call.

It looks like a new car but the total cost of it is only as much as a brand new car would drop the moment they screw the plates on. That is a bit of an eye opener isn’t it? 17,000 kms. Blimey! The old geeza in Japan must have been really careful. He or she hasn’t even damaged the flash wheels they would have paid through the nose for. Gee they must be careful drivers in Japan. Just like us Kiwis eh?. Yeah right. A Toyota with the famous 1500 cc VVT-i engine – whatever that means. Power and economy I guess. Huge boot. That could get expensive. I must say it’s really, nice. Roomy – nice. Quality – nice. Colour – nice. And, Yes, the price is nice. Father Ted just loves these sort of things and the people who have the nouse to recognise them. Worry Ted’s ear now!

Have you been a good Mum? If so, read this:

Did you know mum, now perhaps a retired mum, that a Mercedes Benz C200 Kompressor has a cast aluminum engine block and aluminum dual overhead cam cylinder heads with four valves per cylinder and variable valve timing?

Now I am sure that you will have found that the most interesting piece of information you have read all week – NOT!

Don’t go away though, it gets worse, as your job is to persuade your old man to buy you this particular Mercedes.

Why? I‘ll tell you why.  Simply because there is yet undiscovered motoring delight in store, just for you. You deserve it. Reward for being a good and clever Mum.

You see, almost all of us dismiss the idea of owning a Mercedes Benz. Too expensive! Bit snobby. After all who wants to own a car that is utterly reliable, full of air bags and safety features, very good on gas, remembers where your personal seating position and mirror angles were, won’t allow you to get a speeding ticket, because it has a speed limiter, plus, is built by the cleverest motor company in the world?

If you are still with me I will invite you to think about this fact – Japan is the only place in the world where luxury cars, that have been very little used, by old people who are too terrified to face the traffic, can be bought cheap. And it may not last. New import rules are on their way.

Mum, your new car is very pretty. Was once $100,000. Now $26,500. And oh yes, I kid you not, only 10,000 kms on the clock. Like new. Do take a look – but I know most folk will wait for someone else to buy this beautiful quiet Mercedes Benz, to prove that they should have. Forgive me. I did try.

There is absolutely no point to making an ad like the one I had in mind. People would think that I was a raving nutter. Which would be somewhat belittling.

But seeing as you are here I’ll let you in on a little secret – did you know that Father Ted’s offers the best imported used cars that only a little money can buy. Not only have they been very little used by their previous elderly Japanese owners but Ted will fix any little thing that you could find wrong with them now or a little later.

Others may litter their yards with all sorts of little gems, some of them actually quite good, but when it comes to wanting used cars that drive like new cars you have to try one of Father Ted’s low kilometre gems. Ted, that’s me, is told that he’s a proper nutter when it comes to enjoying used cars that are still like new cars in the way they look and drive. A little belittling really. See you at Father Ted’s in Tuwharetoa Street if you want to learn a little more. See what he’s got right now or drive him nuts ordering one to suit your needs. 024 960 399 is the nutter’s number anytime at all.

The best car to buy is a new one. Why? Simply because a car is a machine and it wears out.

Therefore it is screamingly obvious that a low kilometre car is the next best buy. New car durability. Used car price. Just good sense really. Does Father Ted have them?

Sure – he would have nothing else in a perfect world – so scream on in. Take a look at lots of them.

For instance check out this ʻ01 Nissan Sunny Manual done only – 7,000kms at $11,000 or this ʻ03 Mercedes Benz C200 Kompressor done only 29,000km – $24,000 – real gorgeous. Okay, is a Toyota Platz (Echo) done 2,000 km more you? A Corolla done 24,000 km then?